Seek advice on filing contested divorce

3 years ago

With reference to ID #196800
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Hi,

My marriage is in 9th year & I have a daughter aged 4 years. During these 9 years, our marital relationship has seen many ups and downs.

Many times I took decision to continue the marriage based on emotional grounds (parents expiring, my wife being the single child, thinking about our daughter, etc) however there is a complete lack of trust, love, affection, respect, care. At home I get treated like a money making machine only. In these 9 years of marriage, I was verbally abused by my wife (within few months of marriage), physically assaulted, and even torn off my shirt in front of my mother-in-law who didn't object her behavior. My wife always makes me feel worthless, dumb, insult worthy, constantly criticize me to the point that in all these 9 years, I lost all my self confidence and I feel like a servant working and earning for her. And due to all these, finally on Oct 10, 2020 I took the decision to end this dead relationship.

For the last few years, she had completely withdrawn herself from sex. It was always me who initiated it but she was always reluctant saying she doesn't feel anything for me. It went for so long that I too finally withdrew myself from any such initiative and almost 1 year, we haven't had sex.

I am 37 years old, normal man with a need for emotional/physical love, respect but the current situation has ended all such feelings towards each other hence I feel this is a dead relationship and I am unable to take it any further. We both don't feel any urge to stay together and my wife is fine with me staying separate in different states but due to societal taboo, she isn't interested to go for divorce.

Meanwhile, I met a girl whom I found to be the exact human being I needed - one who understands me completely, give me the respect for who I am. Very soon we fell in love and I decided to marry her after my divorce.

Since Oct '20, I always wanted to get separated via mutual divorce. I also gave her a timeline (till Apr '21) so that she can complete all her tasks. Initially, she wasn't interested for mutual divorce but when she agreed, she also made sure few of her tasks fell on my shoulder (setting up of her new flat, selling her old flat, transferring her car from one state to her native) which I agreed to. However now that the deadline is approaching & all the tasks are getting complete, she is asking for a huge alimony (1 cr) which is beyond my capacity. I gave her few proposals within my capacity fulfilling her and my daughter's future needs but she is not willing to negotiate and saying she won't give me divorce till I satisfy her alimony.

My wife is richer than me (worth 3 cr) and my whole net worth is hardly 30 lacs. How will I be able to satisfy her demands? I said the same to her but she is not willing to listen to it. After working for almost 10 years, fulfilling all family responsibilities the only big asset I have is a flat which I bought in '19 whose possession is in '23. The net worth of the flat during possession will be 70 lacs and was taken partly under a home loan. As I am unable to meet her "cash" demands, I even agreed to give all I have (the flat) whose EMI I was willing to pay & make it loan free at the earliest so that she can enjoy full benefits. I was even okay to agree on legal paper that I won't claim any rights on the property in future - but she is still not agreeing.

I am completely confused and scared about my future. She is just playing with my financial situation and given what has happened between us, I can't stay with her anymore (in fact I left my own home and staying alone separate) and unable to move out of this dead relation either.

So here are my questions:

a) Even after all my plans of giving her a good deal, she is not agreeing on the money part. Are there any other ways which you can suggest to make her agree for mutual divorce?

b) In case I have to go for contested divorce, what could be my ground lawfully - cruelty, mental torture?

c) In case I go for a contested one, I fear she might drag the girl I am in love with. Till date, we have mainly been in touch on phone/WhatsApp, and met outside few times. We never had any sex but we have exchanged our emotions/feelings on WhatsApp which my wife claims to have recorded (by spying on my mobile). As I never had sex with her, I believe adultery cannot be charged but I fear my wife might drag her to court. So I want to know whether my wife can drag her to the court room when it is just a love relation and I want to marry her only after I get divorce from my wife? If yes, can I somehow ensure she is not pulled into this?

d) In contested divorce, what could be the possible risks on my life, my career? As there is no domestic violence (as we are staying separate) neither any adultery, nor any verbal / physical abuse, can my future be at risk any way? I am just a mentally harassed husband willing to go out of a dead relationship via a divorce.

e) This whole situation is very new to me as I am still not sure whether I should continue to try for mutual divorce (I don't know for how long) or file a contested one risking my (and the girl's) future.

Please advise on what should I do.