Mental torture and felt me unwanted

2 years ago

Hi,
I was married 3 years ago, it was a love marriage. Our families didn't liked each other much from the start but they agreed to marriage as thier children were happy. During the engagement, they treated me well as i was thier daughter in law to be, but they were involved in thier own relatives and didn't gave us much importance. Even boy's mother misbehaved with my parents on a small issue. Then i marriage, there was hell lot of drama as we had different rituals and mentality. After marriage, few months passed in peace. Then i identified that is some issue between the families as they ignored phone calls from my parents. Then they told to buy a new house as they were not having any earlier. But we shifted to a new house in delhi where i went super uncomfortable. Then i got to know that they were expecting dowry and wanted each ritual with gifts and money. My husband was too much into his mom and i never felt comfortable there. I felt alone inside. And i was going to disturbed mental state. Then my mom came on one festival with gifts, then his mom said many bad things regarding the marriage and her expectations which we were not able to fulfil. After seeing my mom crying, i was too disturbed. I started being rude, stopped talking to my in laws, i kept myself locked in the room as i heard few bad things abt myself and i was feeling that i am not good for anything. Then i wanted to leave the place as i was feeling depressed there and i even cut my hair, but no one in the family (even my husband ) asked me . Then i wanted a brk and i pleaded them to send me to some other place for few months so that i could recover which they denied. Then my husband was too frustrated with what all was going in the family, and he said me to go where ever i wanted. They were also planning to shift to some other house, so after he bullied me to leave his house asap so that they can also shift.We also filled for mutual divorce. I signed that but i never went on court dates as i was not in the condition to face this situation. I came from there and i was badly depressed. Few months we kept on talking little bit but after 2-3 months he stopped picking my calls and showed absurd behaviour making me feel guilty. He said he wanted a divorce. Now , in this case, i have hurted myself mentally, and we wated approx 22 lac( 7 lac for car which i bought with me ) . Rest approx 15 lacs. Kindly suggest what to do in tis case, Now 2 years have passed and i also dnt want to live with him now.